Dixieland's Funny Bone Comedy Club

  
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Bailey NWD

Bailey- Blinkerson- Eskiwowow Raiman
 
 
Barked: Wed Jan 9, '13 3:55am PST 
Oh yes!
Bailey NWD

Bailey- Blinkerson- Eskiwowow Raiman
 
 
Barked: Thu Jan 10, '13 3:16am PST 
They would not be so excited if they had this all winter!
Bailey NWD

Bailey- Blinkerson- Eskiwowow Raiman
 
 
Barked: Fri Jan 11, '13 3:16am PST 
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and Needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Finally... a smart blonde joke.

Bailey NWD

Bailey- Blinkerson- Eskiwowow Raiman
 
 
Barked: Sat Jan 12, '13 3:18am PST 
Can you say Separation Anxiety?
Bailey NWD

Bailey- Blinkerson- Eskiwowow Raiman
 
 
Barked: Sun Jan 13, '13 3:14am PST 
My mom's friend sent this to her. Her reaction (and the reaction of everyone he sent it too) was "and why are you sending this to me?" big laughbig laughbig laughbig laughbig laughway to go

$5.37!
That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.
I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher.
Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change
when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me.
He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me.
"Only $4.68" he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet?
A mere child!
Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo.
Was he blind?
As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil.
Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought.
I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter,
and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me,
like I could be that easily distracted!
What am I now?
A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"
I stared with utter disdain at the keys.
I began to rationalize in my mind!

"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly!
It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck.
I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn.
What now?
I checked my keys and tried another.
Still nothing.

That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.
I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus:
The car seat in the back seat.
Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard.
A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot,
relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life.
That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger!
My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito,
only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage,
and strode back into the restaurant one final time.
There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish.
All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"

All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"?
At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle,
and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Elmo had no clue.
I walked back out to the truck,
and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention.
He was holding up a drink and a bag.
His mother explained,
"I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

He offered these kind words:
"It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone.
Yessss, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.
And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.


As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall.
I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket.
I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

The good news was that I had successfully found my way home.
Bailey NWD

Bailey- Blinkerson- Eskiwowow Raiman
 
 
Barked: Mon Jan 14, '13 2:38am PST 
Dashing through the snow...la la la.....
Bailey NWD

Bailey- Blinkerson- Eskiwowow Raiman
 
 
Barked: Tue Jan 15, '13 2:41am PST 
Grumpy cat!
Nina

Nina loves Sam
 
 
Barked: Tue Jan 15, '13 6:07am PST 
big laughbig laughbig laughbig laugh I'm going to have to make sure not to wait too many days before coming in to see what funnies you've posted, Bailey. Thank you for sharing them with us! way to gohug
Bailey NWD

Bailey- Blinkerson- Eskiwowow Raiman
 
 
Barked: Wed Jan 16, '13 2:40am PST 
Warning! What you are about to see may gross you out! Okay, not you but your human!


Can you say, pass the Purell and a disinfecting mouth wash?
Bailey NWD

Bailey- Blinkerson- Eskiwowow Raiman
 
 
Barked: Wed Jan 16, '13 2:40am PST 
Oops! Double post! red face

Edited by author Wed Jan 16, '13 2:41am PST

  (Page 38 of 86: Viewing entries 371 to 380)  
[First 10 entry] Page Links:  33  34  35  36  37  38  39  40  41  42  43  [Last 10 entry]