Dixieland's Funny Bone Comedy Club

  
(Page 36 of 86: Viewing entries 351 to 360)  
[First 10 entry] Page Links:  31  32  33  34  35  36  37  38  39  40  41  [Last 10 entry]  
Bailey NWD

Bailey- Blinkerson- Eskiwowow Raiman
 
 
Barked: Tue Dec 25, '12 4:19am PST 
Did you wake up the humans this morning?

Did not get exactly what you wanted? Maybe you can return it!
Bailey NWD

Bailey- Blinkerson- Eskiwowow Raiman
 
 
Barked: Wed Dec 26, '12 3:24am PST 
Find the dog!
Bailey NWD

Bailey- Blinkerson- Eskiwowow Raiman
 
 
Barked: Thu Dec 27, '12 3:09am PST 
If I am laying on something white I have to worry about the humans tripping over me! shock

Uh Oh!

Bailey NWD

Bailey- Blinkerson- Eskiwowow Raiman
 
 
Barked: Fri Dec 28, '12 2:44am PST 
Think about it!

That song will probably be stuck in your head the rest of the day now!laugh out loudlaugh out loudlaugh out loudlaugh out loud
Bailey NWD

Bailey- Blinkerson- Eskiwowow Raiman
 
 
Barked: Sat Dec 29, '12 3:33am PST 
This goes with yesterday!

Ice Ice Baby

It is one of the few rap songs my mom every liked! This guy is now renovating houses in Florida. We saw him on HGTV.

It is almost time to make your New Year Resolutions!

A Dog's New Year Resolutions


I will stop trying to find the few remaining clean pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not eat other animals' poop.

I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

I will not eat my own vomit.

I will not eat "kitty box crunchies".

I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, specially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.

I will not bark each time I hear a door bell on TV.

I will not walk under the big dog when he is peeing.

I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
Sedona

It\'s Tough- Being A Spoiled- Puppy!
 
 
Barked: Sat Dec 29, '12 11:32am PST 
Bailey! snoopysnoopysnoopysnoopy
Ice Ice Baby smile

Momma says she WUVd dat song!!! laugh out loudlaugh out loudlaugh out loudlaugh out loudlaugh out loud

________________________________________________
Sedona

It\'s Tough- Being A Spoiled- Puppy!
 
 
Barked: Sat Dec 29, '12 11:49am PST 
shockshockshockthinkingbig laughbig laughbig laugh


IDLE MINDS....BOL!

hailhailhailhailhail
Bailey NWD

Bailey- Blinkerson- Eskiwowow Raiman
 
 
Barked: Sun Dec 30, '12 3:15am PST 
Give up thinking! big laughbig laughbig laughbig laugh Sometimes that is a good idea!

I do not agree with some of the things on yesterday's list! If you have to throw up, it MUST be on carpeting! way to goshrug and furniture is definitely for wiping your face on too! hi5

Today we will give the kitties their equal time!

Cat's New Year's Resolutions


My human will never let me eat her pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.

I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.

I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.

I must not help myself to Q-tips, and I must certainly not proceed to stuff them down the sink's drain.

I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.

I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)

I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has finished watching a scary movie.

I will not fish out my human's partial plate from the glass so that the dog can "wear" it and pretend to be my human. (It is somewhat unnerving to wake up, roll over in bed, and see the dog grinning at you with your own teeth.)

I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.

I will not drag dirty socks up from the basement in the middle of the night, deposit them on the bed and yell at the top of my lungs (Burmese LOUD yowling) so that my human can admire my "kill."

I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.

We will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over any human's bed while they're trying to sleep.

Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.

I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.

I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

I will not back up off the front porch and fall into the bushes just as my human is explaining to his girlfriend how graceful I am.

I will not complain that my bottom is wet and that I am thirsty after sitting in my water bowl.

I will not intrude on my human's candle-lit bubble bath and singe my bottom.

I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it dissolves in boiling coffee.

When I am chasing my tail and catch my back leg instead, I will not bite down on my foot. This hurts, and my scream scares my human.

When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.

Birds do not come from the bird feeder. I will not knock it down and try to open it up to get the birds out.

I will not stuff my rather large self into the rather small bird feeder (with my tail hanging out one side) and expect the birds to just fly in.

I will not teach the parrot to meow in a loud and raucous manner.

The dog can see me coming when I stalk her. She can see me and will move out of the way when I pounce, letting me smash into floors and walls. That does not mean I should take it as a personal insult when my humans sit there and laugh.

Yes, there are still two very large dogs in the backyard. There have been for several years. I don't have to act as if I've just discovered the Demon Horror of the Universe each time one of them appears in my window.

I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.

When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.

I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when she's on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.

When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms are *not* a hammock.

Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.

I am a walking static generator. My human doesn't need my help installing a new board in her computer.

I will not bring the city police to the front door by stepping on the speaker phone button and then the automatic 911 dial button.

I will not speed dial the overseas numbers.

I will not walk on the keyboard when my human is writing important emiognaioerp ga3qi4 taija3tgv aa35 a.

Any critter that lives in the house (hamsters), stay in the house and any wild critters (frogs and earthworms) stay outside. I am not allowed to set the hamster free in exchange for finding a frog to put in the fish tank.

I will not stalk the deer in the apple orchard next door. They have sharp hooves and could hurt me if they weren't laughing so hard.

I will not watch the guinea pig constantly as the guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while.

The goldfish likes living in water and should be allowed to remain in its bowl.

I will not put a live mole in my food bowl and expect it to stay there until I get hungry.

I will not eat spider plants and hallucinate behind the toilet.

I will not drag the magnets (and the papers they are holding up) off of the refrigerator and then bat them underneath it so that they adhere to the underside.

I will learn to relax at the vet's office so they will start writing things in my records like "Good Kitty" and "Sweet Kitty" instead of the stuff that's there now like "MEAN!!" "BITER!!!" and "GET HELP!!!!!"

I will not be miffed at my human all day and then kiss her on the nose at 2:00 a.m. to tell her that she is forgiven and can now pet me.

I will not scratch the children of lawyers, no matter how much they chase me or how hard they pull my tail.

If I MUST claw my human, I will not do it in such a fashion that the scars resemble a botched suicide attempt.

If I must give a present to my human's overnight guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a big live cockroach, even if it isn't as tasty.

I will not soak my catnip toy in the water bowl to make tea. I will not get high and sit there drinking my tea and kneading the floor afterwards. I will not then get delusions of grandeur and make tea in the toilet bowl or the tub. And I will not try to make tea with used socks, dirty panties or hair scrunches when my humans take the catnip toy away from me.

A warm pepperoni pizza is not a good place for a nap.
Bailey NWD

Bailey- Blinkerson- Eskiwowow Raiman
 
 
Barked: Mon Dec 31, '12 3:21am PST 
How long do those New Year Resolutions actually last?
Bailey NWD

Bailey- Blinkerson- Eskiwowow Raiman
 
 
Barked: Tue Jan 1, '13 2:19am PST 
Borrowed this one from George at Lil Doghouse! It is a good one!

New Year Resolutions
  (Page 36 of 86: Viewing entries 351 to 360)  
[First 10 entry] Page Links:  31  32  33  34  35  36  37  38  39  40  41  [Last 10 entry]